How to Know When Your Parents Should Stop Driving

For many older adults, driving is not just a means of transportation but a symbol of personal freedom and self-control. Driving helps seniors stay mobile, independent, and connected to their loved ones and their communities. However, getting older can make driving riskier.

According to the National Institute on Aging, natural age-related physical and sensory issues like diminished vision, stiff joints, slower reflexes, reduced hearing and potential cognitive challenges can all impact safe driving. They can make it more challenging to react quickly, assess road conditions accurately and maintain control of a vehicle. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that as of 2024, almost 540 older adult drivers are injured and more than 20 are killed in auto accidents in the U.S. each day.

Losing the ability to drive can be deeply unsettling for seniors, but recognizing and adapting to age-related changes is essential for maintaining safe driving practices.

If you notice that your aging parents are making some driving errors, it could be time to start a difficult conversation about giving up their keys.

How to know when to stop driving? What are the signs my parents may be too old to drive? How do you start the conversation? What if my parents refuse to stop driving? Should elderly drivers be retested? What support systems are available for seniors who no longer drive? Read on to learn more about the importance of safe driving for older adults and how being proactive can help prevent accidents.

Losing the Ability to Drive: A Tough Transition for Many Seniors

For many older adults, driving isn’t just about getting from point A to point B—it’s about independence and having control over daily life. When driving is no longer an option, it can feel like a big piece of freedom is suddenly gone, which can be unsettling.

On top of that, giving up driving often leads to feeling more isolated. Studies show that when seniors stop driving, their social circles tend to shrink significantly. Without the ability to drive, simple things like meeting up with friends, running errands, or staying active in the community can become much harder, leaving many older adults feeling lonely and disconnected.

The emotional impact of this change can be pretty intense, too. According to the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, seniors who stop driving are almost twice as likely to experience symptoms of depression. It’s not just about losing the convenience of a car—it’s about grappling with a sense of loss and even grief.

Practical challenges also come into play. Getting to appointments, picking up groceries, or accessing services can become a hurdle, especially for those who live outside urban areas. Suddenly, relying on family, friends or public transportation can strain relationships and feel overwhelming. Finding alternatives can take time and isn’t always straightforward.

For many seniors, driving is also tied to their identity. It’s a way of proving they’re still capable and independent. Losing that can feel like losing a part of themselves, leading to feelings of inadequacy or a diminished sense of self. It’s a tough shift but can be made a little easier with the right support and planning.

Signs It May Be Time to Hang Up the Keys

How old is too old to drive? What is the average age the elderly stop driving? There are no clear answers. Age alone doesn’t make a driver unsafe. Medical conditions and physical and cognitive skills all play a role in deciding when to hand over the keys. An important first step to help recognize the right time is to go for a ride and observe their skills. Keep a mental record of problematic habits and write them down once you’re alone. Sharing actual problems you see rather than speaking in generalities can be an essential part of the conversation.

The AARP and Genworth say there are several warning signs to look for that may shed light on how to know when it’s time to stop driving and put on the brakes. They include:

• Difficulty seeing stationary objects, reduced depth perception, poor peripheral vision, and impaired night vision.
• Decreased ability to hear important sounds like sirens or car horns.
• Trouble seeing over the steering wheel, checking mirrors, or blind spots due to spine curvature or stiffness.
• Difficulty responding quickly to unexpected situations or emergencies.
• Getting lost in familiar areas or struggling to follow traffic signs.
• Driving too fast or too slow for road conditions
• Frequent dings, dents and scrapes on the vehicle
• Delayed response to unexpected situations
• Becoming easily distracted or having difficulty concentrating
• Having difficulty moving into or maintaining the correct lane of traffic
• Hitting curbs when making right turns or backing up
• Having frequent close calls
• Struggling to park, back up, or judge gaps in traffic
• Driving becomes more stressful, confusing, or exhausting
• Reluctance to drive, especially at night
• Be aware of medications that may impair judgment or cause drowsiness

Seven Helpful Tips on How to Start the Conversation

1. Begin Early

Don’t wait until something serious happens, like an accident or major medical issue, and don’t expect your parent or loved one to agree with you the first time you suggest when to stop driving. Start when the warning signs are mild and start small. Suggest they give up driving long distances, at night, in rush hour, or in bad weather. If they start driving less now and know they can get around without a car, giving up driving altogether may be easier when the time comes.

2. Be Understanding and Compassionate

Giving up driving is a radical lifestyle change, so put yourself in their shoes. Admit that it’s not easy, and be respectful when broaching the subject.

You can say, “Dad, I know this must be hard, but we need to talk about your driving.” Then, share whatever incidents you’ve noticed in a non-judgmental way. Getting their input is important, too. Ask if they’ve noticed any changes in their driving skills and what they think should be done.

3. Talk With Family

Before discussing driving with an aging parent, involve family members to align concerns, but ensure the conversation is one-on-one to avoid making them feel overwhelmed or confronted.

4. Visit the DMV

If your talks aren’t going well, suggest visiting your local DMV. They can take a driving and vision test or a refresher course for senior drivers. If they’re not worried about their driving skills, they should be confident about their ability to prove it. However, be ready for the possibility that they might pass their test, and if you still see them making dangerous mistakes on the road, you may be heading for an even more difficult discussion.

5. Provide Transportation Alternatives

Losing independence and being trapped in the house are big fears for seniors considering giving up driving. It’s important to clarify that it’s not the end of their weekly bridge game, meeting up with friends, attending church, shopping, or doing everything they love. Know, too, that you and other relatives may have to divvy up some ride-sharing duties.

Transportation Options to Consider:

• Explore local bus, subway or train routes. Many communities offer seniors a discounted fare.
• Hiring a driver or taxi service is a good option but can be expensive.
• Ridesharing apps like Uber or Lyft are convenient, but seniors may be a little leery about these new services. Offer to ride along with them on a few trips so they can see how ridesharing works.
• Many senior living communities offer convenient and regularly scheduled transportation to medical appointments, shopping, community events, and programs.
• Services like Amazon Prime, Instacart, GrubHub and grocery and pharmaceutical delivery options can deliver almost everything right to the front door.
• Look for free community-based senior transport services. Many nonprofits, like the American Cancer Society and churches, offer free transportation to medical appointments.

6. Get Their Doctor Involved

Doctors can be helpful allies in determining a parent’s driving ability. Their input not only provides an objective perspective but can also carry weight in sensitive conversations, offering guidance rooted in concern for overall well-being. And in many regions, healthcare professionals are legally required to report individuals who may pose a risk on the road, ensuring safety for both the driver and others.

7. It’s Not Just About Them

If you’re having a hard time getting through, point out how their decision could affect others. For instance, ask them if they feel confident driving their grandkids safely around town. They may be willing to risk their safety, but the thought of their grandkids getting hurt could bring them back to reality. Besides the more obvious consequences, if they damage someone else’s property or injure another person, they risk a lawsuit and losing their hard-earned retirement savings.

Plan Ahead

Recognizing the warning signs and talking to an aging parent or loved one may not be easy. However, the conversation can be successful if you start early and plan ahead with the right understanding. Down the road, everyone will feel better and be assured that your parents are safe and well-cared for.

Where You Live Matters

Where You Live Matters is powered by the American Seniors Housing Association (ASHA), a respected voice in the senior housing industry. ASHA primarily focuses on legislative and regulatory advocacy, research, and educational opportunities and networking for senior living executives, so they can better understand the needs of older adults across the country.

_{Originally Published: Spetember 25, 2019 – Updated On: December 13, 2024}

Sources:

Columbia University
WebMd.com